Au Natural

I'm gonna go all Sex in the City, and start this post with a question, a-la Carrie Bradshaw (although I'm wearing less trendy clothing and I'm not currently smoking a cigarette. I also weigh more than 89 lbs soaking wet. But I've digressed...):

How do you define the word, Natural?

Of course, everybody has a vague idea of what something natural should and shouldn't be.
For example, something that is 100% organic - like, say, and apple - would be considered by most to be natural. Conversely, the energy that is now coursing though my veins after indulging in a supposedly decaf frenchvanillacoffeewithcremeandsugar from Dunkin Donuts is not good example of energy that originated from a natural source.
It is, however, a good example of regret. Would somebody please stop the earth from vibrating - I'd like to get off now.

I'm addressing this subject because for the first time this weekend, I was faced with the uncomfortable situation of having to reconcile what my ideal of natural is versus some other people's definition...specifically, on the subject of babies.

People are often surprised and thrilled when I admit I'm having twins. I get the typical "Oh wow," often followed by something like, "Do you know what they are?" and sometimes the much appreciated "But you're so tiny still" (and to those people I say YOU ROCK, and I'll be sending you a muffin basket in appreciation)

Sometimes, however, we start drifting into a more uncomfortable zone. They reach for my belly, which can be a bit startling, and while I don't blame them (honestly, that thing is freakish and just begs to be poked), I've had to reconcile with the fact that zones of my body are now considered public property (although I can't collect taxes on them. Trust me, I've looked in to it).

Another step into the "no-no" zone is when they ask, "Do twins run in your family?"
This seems like a harmless enough question, and I don't AT ALL blame them for asking. Twins are unusual, and they want to know WHY they happened. Humans are curious. Naturally curious, if I may say so (pun intended. Goodnight, everybody. Try the veal).

The reason it's a sensitive subject for me is because I feel compelled to lie. I want to say, "Why yes, my mother's father's aunt's cousin's daughter had twins" so people will nod their head and move on to a more comfortable topic, like the sore nipples I can expect and how my va-jay-jay will look after I give birth (and yes, both those subjects have been breached by people who's first names I wasn't even sure of).

And sometimes I DO lie. I say that they run in my husband's family, because his mother's father's aunt's cousin's daughter (or someone equally removed) DID have twins, just so we can talk about something - ANYTHING - else, even if it's about my private parts.

The problem is when I don't lie, and they tilt their head to the side and start thinking of non-hereditary reasons why I might be having twins.

Big problem.

This scenario happened this weekend, while I was coaching 4309256539023 children at our local horse show. The barn mothers - god love 'em - are ALL ABOUT this pregnancy. And I'm ALL ABOUT the attention and pampering I've received since they found out about the buns in my proverbial oven.

So, while sitting with a group of them, I got the usual line of questioning from one of the mothers that I don't typically interact with:
"When are you due?"
"Do you know what you're having?"
All good stuff. And then...
"Do they run in the family?"
Crap. Uhhhh, yeah, on my husband's side.
But it's not enough for her. She tilts her head, thinking, brows furrowed in concentration.
Here it comes...
Wait for it...

"Are they natural??"

KA-BOOM.
She dropped the bomb.

You see, my husband and I were diagnosed with chronic infertility. We spent a year trying to conceive without luck, and another year undergoing tests, taking pills, getting multiple rounds of IUI (if you don't know what that is...don't ask), and finally IVF. Two cycles, to be exact, with the first being an utter failure. The second...well...let's just say Hooray for modern medicine!!

Am I ashamed of undergoing infertility treatment?
Not. At All.
But do I think it's none of anybody's business?
Abso-freakin'-lutely.

Anybody who knows me knows that I'm a very open and honest person. I have no secrets. I'll tell anybody just about anything. And lord knows I'm not exactly secretive about getting IVF, otherwise I wouldn't be blabbing about it all over this blog.

But I DO like to choose who I tell about my IVF and how the subject is broached.
Talking about it one-on-one with a person who I'm at least on a first-name basis with?
Cool. Bring it on.
Talking about it in a group of 7-some-odd women, a few of which I've barely ever spoken to, and at least two of which I'm not even 100% sure of their first names and which kid they own?
Not so cool.

So I froze. I'm terrible at lying when I'm caught off guard, and I always wrestle with my dilemma over discussing IVF.
Part of me says "You're not ashamed - TELL THEM" and part of me says "This isn't an appropriate question - JUST LIE" and part of me says, "Who's kids you calling natural, beeyatch???" and part of me says "I'M HUNGRY - LET'S EAT PIE"

This time, I partially told the truth. I said that we had some reproductive help but it was still a surprise. Of course, nobody looked shocked, and nobody judged me (I think). They just nodded and moved on.

But it irritates me TO NO END that some people don't consider my kids "natural."
They are not clones.
They are not aliens (I'm pretty sure, although tomorrow's ultrasound will confirm the fact that they are - in fact - human).
They're not made out of plastic or part android.
They were made when my husband's sperm fertilized my egg.
And although that might have not happened inside my body, per se (which is...admittedly...a little creepy), they are 100% au natural.

Of course, when somebody asks me if my children are "natural," they're not implying that I'm attempting to give birth to the first ever androids. But what they WANT to know is if we had them the old fashioned way, or if there was some human intervention in the process. What they SHOULD be asking is "did you conceive naturally?" But that question sound even more personal than the former, so it is usually avoided.

But for the record, I'd like to state that my children are about as natural as they come, despite the slightly UNNATURAL means we had to go through to get them.
They may not have been conceived in the back of a car after a wild St. Patrick's Day party, but as far as I can tell, they have no artificial colors, flavors, or preservatives added to them.

100% organic, all the way.

So please don't ask me if my children are "natural," or I'll be forced to ask if your hair color/boobs/perfectly arched eyebrows are "natural," and NOBODY wants to got there.*

*Disclaimer - I'm not referring specifically to the woman who asked me the question over the weekend. She's lovely, and I have no idea if she has fake boobs or dyes her hair. I'm talking about women in general.