AGAIN with the Chuck Norris?!?

Okay, so I admit it.
I might have some teeny, tiny hangups about pregnancy.
Like, is that a chip on your shoulder, or did someone just shoot you with a cannon?!?!?
I can't help it.
To say that my conception was "challenging" is like saying that Nick Nolte could use a root touch-up.

Somewhere out there, a gay hairdresser just lost it's wings.

So yeah, I have a little bit of a chip on my shoulder when women I know have "happy accidents" or "weren't really trying" or what have you. Whoops, we're pregnant. What a surprise! Who knew those rumors about unprotected sex were true!!

Do I think these women are less deserving of their pregnancies?
Yes.
Whoops, I mean no. (Can I say yes?)
Well, kind of.
It's just that I see so many couples taking their pregnancies and children for granted. They complain constantly about their pregnancy symptoms or child rearing responsibilities. The pregnant ones go on and on about how crappy they feel, and how they miss their favorite foods and activities, and how pregnancy is SO HARD and you really should feel bad for them. The parents look at you with a sigh and say "Oh, you think you want one NOW, but wait 'till you have one. THEN you'll see..." As if you can't see with your own two eyes that their monster of a son or daughter is completely out of control, and is currently choking the dog, and excuse me, there's an easy solution to your problem and it's called DISCIPLINE.

The problem is that these people have no idea how hard it can be for some folks to get pregnant. These people had a crazy St. Patrick's day and woke up pregnant. Oops.
Whereas I spent years and a butt load of money getting poked and prodded and tested and inseminated and lord knows what else. And 99% of the time, these efforts failed and I was left devastated.

So did I earn these kids more than those happy accidents?
You bet your sweet ass I did.
And am I probably more grateful and appreciative than these women?
Considering I was facing chronic infertility and looking into adoption....I think it's safe to say yes. HELL yes. ABSOLUTELY.
I'm fully convinced that nobody can know what it's like to come face to face with infertility until they've been there. And nobody can be as grateful for a pregnancy as someone who was told that it would probably never happen for them.

INFERTILITY, REPRESENT!!!

True, I'm going to complain about my pregnancy and the kids occasionally. I'll have some funny story about hemorrhoids or pee in my mouth, and I'll speak, tongue in cheek, of how awful my life is. But don't ever, for ONE SECOND, think that I'm not 1 million percent grateful for these kids. They're everything to me. They're a miracle. And I'll be damned if I won't acknowledge how lucky I am to have them.

So a word to the wise out there.
Don't come complaining to me about your pregnancy aches and pains.
Don't glance over at your out-of-control child and ask me "Are you SURE about this?" with a look in your eyes that says haha I'm kidding but not really please kill me.
Don't complain about your spouse not pitching in and how hard your life is because you have to watch the kids all the time while he plays video games and goes out drinking (honestly, you should have known what kind of man he was PRIOR to procreation).

Because I may be 17 weeks pregnant and considerably less agile than I once was, but I'm willing to bet that I can still roundhouse kick you in the face.

The moral here? Be grateful what you have, people. Or I'll go Chuck Norris on your ass.