First-world problems

I got first-world problems, yo.

First-world problems: problems that one encounters only while inhabiting a first-world country (as opposed to a second- or third-world country)

Seriously, you all know about how my horse fell in the pool a few weeks ago. And for the record, the horse isn't used as a mode of transportation. Or to help grow food. Or, yanno, to eat. My PURELY RECREATIONAL horse fell in my trainer's IN GROUND, CHLORINATED pool that he DOES NOT USE FOR DRINKING WATER.

Thank GOODNESS he's okay, or his injuries could have affected his future dressage career.  <------ Side note: WTF is up with this font?!? Why is it in Courier when I've repeatedly tried to put it back to the default font?!? ANOTHER first-world problem!!!

My front window is rotted and about to fall out. If I had to fix it myself, I suppose it would be a second-world problem. And if by "window" I really meant a bunch of clear plastic coke bottles tied together with old shoe laces, that would constitute a third-world problem. But it's made of glass, and I have a guy named "Mitch" coming out to look at it, so it's all good.

PS, they don't make guys named "Mitch" in third-world countries.

Did I mention it's about to rot out because of termites? Termites are a first-world problem because only in first-world countries do we exterminate them rather than cohabitate with (or, once again, eat) them.

My air conditioner isn't working great. That's a first-world problem. My laptop also fried last weekend and I had to drive ALL THE WAY to Best Buy to get a new one, even though it was in the opposite direction of the drive-up ATM at my bank, which, BTW, was broken so I had to go INTO the bank to get money to pay for my new laptop.

Say it with me....first-world problems

My sunroom is being held up by two-by-fours. That's a second-world problem. Or a first-world problem if you live in the Deep South.

You can have first-world baby problems, too.
Like, when you miss the deadline for the "Baby Swim" class sign-up at your local YMCA. Or when they're out of organic apples at the Shop Rite and you have to use regular apples to make baby food.

Or when the kid gets a fever...
From all those vaccines he or she just received.

OTHER WAYS IN WHICH MY LIFE COULD BE MUCH, MUCH WORSE:

My (first-world) problem: My goat cheese went moldy
Second-world style: My goat is old and stopped making milk
Third-world horror: My goat just died and now I may not make it though the winter

My (first-world) problem: My Ipad is impossible to type on
Second-world style: I'm having a hard time obtaining a piece of paper and a pencil
Third-world horror: I never learned to write. And my goat just died.

My (first-world) problem: Identity theft
Second-world style: Being held up at gunpoint in the middle of the day.
Third-world horror: Being held up at gunpoint in the middle of the day. By a cop.

My (first-world) problem: My prozac prescription needs a refill
Second-world style: I could really use an antibiotic
Third-world horror: The only tree that cures this rash died in the 10-year drought we just had. Oh, and also, I'm thirsty. 

Please don't think I'm making fun of less fortunate individuals. I'm not on a high horse or anything (Yes pun absolutely intended. Bask in its magnificence).
Quite the opposite - I've BEEN to third-world countries. I've seen Brazillian ghettos (from the safety of my air-conditioned bus). I've given shoes to kids who had never worn shoes before. And I'm not bragging about those experiences, like oh, look at me, I'm so well traveled, and I have so much WORLD EXPERIENCE, and I don't buy things made in Indonesia anymore because seeing those sweat shops really OPENED MY EYES to the horrors of child labor, and oh, your shoes are made out of LEATHER? *fake, judgmental smile*

On the contrary. I'm making fun of myself, because for all the bitching and moaning that I do, it's important to remember that what seems like problems to you and me are NOTHING compared to what some people are going through.

Still, in a world that's damn near perfect, those little things can really get under your skin.

Fortunately, we have Prozac for that.