Chrisabaptismapalooza

This may come as a complete surprise to you folks, but I'm not a religious person.

I know - you're absolutely shocked. I'll give you a minute to collect your jaws from the floor.

Maybe I'd be a more religious person if I wasn't such a hardcore scientist.
Or if there was a religion that encouraged swearing and mud-wrestling.
Or if those communion wafers tasted better.
I dunno.

Oddly enough, I grew up in a religious household. From age 0 to 6-ish, I was practically raised in our community church. My dad was the choir director, and my mother was the secretary. We were, like, "the cool kids" of the church. We wore letterman jackets and gave lesser parishioners wedgies and swirlies. We gave other "popular" church-goers high-fives and drank 40s with them in the parking lot.

Okay - I might be exaggerating a little bit.
God generally frowns on wedgies (although I know for a fact that he is pro-high five).

But yeah, I was definitely raised Presbyterian for the early years of my life.

Which is weird, because my immediate family is now comprised of two athiests, a buddhist (Hi Em!), and a "meh, whatevs" (otherwise known as agnostic).

My husband's family, on the other hand, is Catholic. Especially his mom. She's extremely non-pushy about it, which I truly appreciate, but a mass-goer, nonetheless.
It hasn't really been an issue in the slightest..
...until now, what with us having chitlins and all.

The issue, of course, is the big C.
Or...B?
Christening? Baptism? I dunno - whichever one is Catholic.

The Holy Dunking, if you will.

Which of course leads to the age-old question:
Does one have one's children chriabaptimatizied for the sake of one's inlaws?

Normally, I would say Hellz To The No. I don't believe in Christianity and certainly don't intend on raising my children to be Christians. More importantly, I don't believe in compromising my religious beliefs (or lack thereof) for others.

But the thing is...if my mother-in-law truly believes that her grandchildren are going to go to hell because they were never sprinkled with holy water...
...well...
that's a pretty awful thing to have to come to terms with, whether it's actually going to happen or not.

So there's a good chance our children will be dunked.
Unfortunately, I have to be in attendance. Trust me - I looked it up. It's in the rules.
I'm also not allowed to roll my eyes during the ceremony or smoke a doobie behind the church beforehand.
(that's not in the rules, per se, but Brian assures me that it's a "given")

Apparently, I'm also supposed to throw a party afterwards. I mean, don't get me wrong - any excuse to get your cake on, right? But having to shell out money for a party for a religious ceremony that I don't believe in kind of rubs me the wrong way.
It's like saying "Hey, we just doused your kids in tap-water. Hooray! Feed us!!"

So that's where we stand at the moment. I have reluctantly agreed to allow a perfect stranger to spritz water in my kids' faces and feed everyone who wants to watch.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...religion is weird.